Manifesto/1.0 Comparisons

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It has been decided to have a Twitter English "translation" of the Manifesto. Now we have to decide which of the recently-proposed changes should be made in the Original Version, and which should be made only in the Twitter Version. Where needed, we've split the proposed changes for a principle into multiple independent items, so that they can be judged individually.

Changes Not Part of This Comparison

From the 1.0 Changes document, we have already accepted and so are not considering:

  • Include explicit reference to privacy in #4
  • Beef up references to "web literacy" in #5

Rationale: These two changes were previously approved and will be made to both the Original Version and Twitter Version without further discussion.

Shortened Versions

Rationale:There are three principles that in their original versions are longer than 118 characters. They need to be shortened for the Twitter English version to no more than 118 characters. (Note that the numbers in parentheses are character counts.) It needs to be decided whether these changes should also be made in the Original Version. The argument for changing them in both versions is that brevity leads to less wordy pages and increased engagement.

Shorten Principle #1

Original: The Internet is an integral part of modern life—a key component in education, communication, collaboration, business, entertainment and society as a whole. (157)

Altered: The Internet is integral to modern life: education, communication, collaboration, business, entertainment and society. (118)

Gerv and Stacy recommend: Twitter only. This list of things are possible without the internet, so the word "part" is significant. We don't want to make over-broad claims.

Mitchell: I think the altered claim is probably true, but the manifesto should be relevent even for people who think "part" is necessary, so I agree with the recommendation.

Shorten Principle #6

Original: The effectiveness of the Internet as a public resource depends upon interoperability (protocols, data formats, content), innovation and decentralized participation worldwide. (174)

Altered: As a public resource, the Internet depends on interoperability, innovation and decentralized participation worldwide. (118)

Gerv and Stacy recommend: Twitter only. Removing "effectiveness" does alter the meaning.

Mitchell: Agree re "effectiveness." Also find the original sentence to be easier to read and understand. Agree with the recommendation.

Shorten Principle #9

Original: Commercial involvement in the development of the Internet brings many benefits; a balance between commercial goals and public benefit is critical. (146)

Altered: A balance between commercial profit and public benefit is critical to the development of the Internet. (105)

Gerv and Stacy recommend: Twitter only. The shorter version says something a bit different to the longer one.

Mitchell: Agree with the recommendation.

Other Proposed Changes

Removal of 'Individuals'

Rationale: Additional words that are not central to the meaning can be removed to make the Manifesto crisper. In #4, the word "Individuals'" can be removed. This has the added benefit of further differentiating the first word of #4 from the first word of #5.

Approved #4: Individuals' security and privacy on the Internet are fundamental and cannot be treated as optional.

Altered #4: Security and privacy on the Internet are fundamental and cannot be treated as optional.

Gerv and Stacy recommend: neither. A focus on individuals here sharpens the principle; you can't then say the manifesto is simply arguing for anebulous "more security". And we don't need this for length reasons.

Mitchell: Agree with recommendation. Keeping a focus on the individual human experience adds value.

Consistent Use of "Must" and "Must Not"

Rationale: Principles #2 and #5 set the tone by using "must", yet #3 uses "should" and #4 uses "cannot". Principles are thought to be stronger and crisper if all four use "must" or "must not".

Original #3: The Internet should enrich the lives of individual human beings.

Altered #3: The Internet must enrich the lives of individual human beings.

Approved #4: Individuals' security and privacy on the Internet are fundamental and cannot be treated as optional.

Altered #4: Individuals' security and privacy on the Internet are fundamental and must not be treated as optional.

Gerv and Stacy recommend: both. Consistency is good, as is strength.

Mitchell: Altered #4 seems better to me; agree here. Altered number 3 feels a bit weird. But I agree with the consistency piece. So agree with the recommendation of changing both.

Change 'goals' to 'profit'

Rationale: "Commercial profit" and "public benefit" contrast much better than "commercial goals" and "public benefit".

Original #9: Commercial involvement in the development of the Internet brings many benefits; a balance between commercial goals and public benefit is critical.

Altered #9: Commercial involvement in the development of the Internet brings many benefits; a balance between commercial profit and public benefit is critical.

Gerv and Stacy recommend: both.

Mitchell: There are a bunch of nuances here, but I think this change is good. Commercial goals could include great user experience, etc, but the piece we want to balance is where the benefit ("profit" in a larger, non-monetary sense, e.g., "benefit") accrues. So, agree with recommendation.

Comma Removal #5

Rationale: Removing commas can make the text crisper and in some cases make the meaning clearer.

Approved #5: Individuals must have the ability to shape the Internet, and their own experiences on it.

Altered #5: Individuals must have the ability to shape the Internet and their own experiences on it.

Gerv and Stacy recommend: neither. In this case, the word "it" refers back to "Internet", and so putting the noun in a different clause from the pronoun reads better. Also, it's two related thoughts, so punctuation to separate them is appropriate.

Comma Removal #8

Rationale: 'Oxford comma' is removed for consistency with the other principles.

Original #8: Transparent community-based processes promote participation, accountability, and trust.

Altered #8: Transparent community-based processes promote participation, accountability and trust.

Gerv and Stacy recommend: both. Consistency is good.

Mitchell: hah, i learned comma etiquette in law school, and perhaps acceptable style guides have changed even there. OK with recommendation.

Comma Removal #10

Rationale: Removing commas can make the text crisper and in some cases make the meaning clearer.

Original #10: Magnifying the public benefit aspects of the Internet is an important goal, worthy of time, attention and commitment.

Altered #10: Magnifying the public benefit aspects of the Internet is an important goal worthy of time, attention and commitment.

Gerv and Stacy recommend: neither. The mental pause caused by the comma is useful in parsing the sentence.

Mitchell: OK either way, happy to defer to your sense of ease of parsing. So OK with recommendation.

Summary of Changes

Summary of approved text changes:

   *Principle #3 - replace "should" with "must"
   *Principle #4 - add "and privacy" after "security" and replace "cannot" with "must not"
   *Principle #5 - add "the Internet, and" after "shape" and replace "it" with "the Internet".
   *Principle #8 - remove the comma after "accountability"
   *Principle #9 - change "goals" to "profit"